My Action Plan Summary
Here is your personal action plan for managing stress.
My Main Stressor:
Workplace
I have an unreasonable boss who is very negative. That causes stress and bad feelings (anger and frustration) that create a distraction, making it hard to concentrate at times. And it just makes me hate my job some days.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the negative things my boss has said, playing them over and over in my mind, thinking about how unfair they are. Sometimes I worry that the things my boss says might be true, even though, when I'm away from the situation, I know that they really aren’t true.
Situation(s) where negative thinking is a particular problem for me: Right after my boss says or does something that stresses me out.
My strategy for managing my stressor:
Change the way I think:
A part of this situation that I have some control over: Obviously I can't control other people's behaviour. But I think I can learn to have some control over how I think about my boss's behaviour - how much time I spend thinking about it, how to distract myself from thinking about it and how to not let my boss's behaviour ruin my day.
A way I can stop myself when I start thinking negative thoughts: I could take a few deep breaths and say, “Remember I can’t control my boss's behaviour, I need to limit the impact it is having on me”
My plan for making this strategy work
Something I can think about or say to challenge my negative thoughts and help myself look at the situation in a more realistic and flexible way: I could say: Focus on the big picture. I know that I’m good at my job. And I want to be in this profession. I’m not ready to look for a different job now – so I am going to work on limiting the impact my boss has on me. There are a lot of difficult bosses in the world and I am not going to let this one derail my career plans.
One step I will take in the next week to get started with my plan:
I'll practice saying my realistic statements in front of the bathroom mirror in the morning when I'm getting ready to go to work.
Who could support you in making this change – someone who could give you encouragement or help you sort out problems or challenges you might encounter?
My co-worker, who is a good friend and experiences the same kind of treatment from our boss. We could work on this together.
What is the worst thing that could happen if you made the changes in your Action Plan?
I won't be able to do it. I'll keep thinking the negative thoughts, plus I'll be discouraged because I wasn’t able to make my plan work.
Is the risk worth it?
Yes. I really need to do something because I’m at the point where I worry about this every day. I’m not going to be able to change my boss’s personality, but I think I can make things at least a little bit better.
Can you think of ways to help reduce the potential negative consequences or risks of your plan?
I will show everybody at work that I am a good employee by working hard at my job and being pleasant and courteous with my work colleagues, including my boss.
What’s the best thing that could happen?
I would be able to totally tune out all the negative thoughts caused by my boss.
Looking at the situation realistically, what outcome could you reasonably expect?
Right now there is usually something everyday that my boss does that triggers me. So I am going to start small so that I can feel some success. I think I will see if for 1 day in the next week – I can change the impact he has on me from a 10 out of 10 to say a 6 out 10. It won’t be perfect, but it will be better and I will feel less helpless about the situation.
My Main Stressor:
Parenting / children
I experience a lot of stress getting my kids up and out the door to school in the morning so I can get to work. I'm almost feeling stressed about it as soon as I wake up. It's hard to get the kids out of bed. I'm snappy with them. As a result they are snappy with me. They don't listen. So each school day starts on a negative note and because of the stress I'm grumpy for the first part of the morning almost every day.
I'm tense and feeling stressed and that makes me crabby. And sometimes I make myself more stressed by anticipating how stressful it will be. Then I'm crabby and bossy with my kids and that makes them less cooperative and grumpy with me. That makes the whole thing worse.
My strategy for managing my stressor
I could try getting up 20 minutes earlier and doing some yoga. I could also do some of
the preparation for the morning (helping my kids organize their school things, planning what clothes to wear) the night before so I have less to do in the morning and I will feel a little less rushed.
My plan for making this strategy work
I'll put a reminder on my cellphone to remind me to do some getting ready each night. I'll keep a yoga mat rolled out beside my bed and set my alarm earlier to remind me to do the yoga.
Someone who might be able to help me change my behaviour:
My partner could help me. He can help me get ready the night before, and maybe I can ask him to get up a few minutes earlier too so he has more time to help me get the kids fed and ready for school.
Any obstacles or difficulties standing in the way of achieving my plan
I like to sleep in as long as I can. I also like to take it easy and watch Netflix once I get the kids to bed and not do anything else that I have to do.
How I can overcome or manage the obstacles/difficulties
The cell phone alarm should help. I'll just have to keep reminding myself that these changes are going to make my mornings better.
One step I will take in the next week to get started with my plan:
I'll set my cell phone to remind me tonight.
Who could support you in making this change – someone who could give you
encouragement or help you sort out problems or challenges you might
encounter?
My best friend Yasmin has these kinds of problems too. We can support each other to make these changes.
What is the worst thing that could happen if you made the changes in your
Action Plan?
I guess nothing might change. I might not feel like doing yoga and I might still be impatient with my kids in the morning.
Is the risk worth it?
Yes. I don’t see how things could get worse. I have to try something.
Can you think of ways to help reduce the potential negative consequences or
risks of your plan?
I have to work with my partner on this. If we work on it together I'm more likely to follow through with these changes.
What’s the best thing that could happen?
I could have problem-free mornings!
What do you think is most likely to happen?
My mornings will be a little better.
Resources
Here are some resources that might be helpful to people dealing with the source of stress you selected. l There are so many parenting websites that it can be hard to know which one might be most reliable or right for you. Here are some trusted resources:
The Psychology Foundation of Canada offers a number of downloadable publications for parents through its Parenting for Life program. Also see the Kids Have Stress Too! program.
The Canadian Association of Parent Child Resource Centres has an extensive list of downloadable parenting resources. They also offer a list of trusted parenting websites.
The Canadian Paediatric Society offers information and resources about parenting and children’s behaviour on its Caring for Kids website.
For parents of children with special needs, there are many national, provincial and local support organizations, related to specific special need or health conditions.